I Tried Tantra Speed Dating and… I Left Before It Even Started
Hi, I’m Wini —and yes, I’m the girl who walked out of a Tantra speed dating event before the actual “speed dating” part even began. But stick with me, because this story is not just about dating. It’s about loneliness, intuition, and the sometimes ridiculous, sometimes beautiful ways we try to connect with other humans.
The Search for Connection
Last fall, I decided to take a bold (and slightly weird) step in my dating life. I signed up for something called Tantra Speed Dating. If you're asking yourself, “What is Tantra speed dating?” — congrats, you’re exactly where I was before I hit “register.”
The backstory is this: I’d just come out of a situationship (yikes), and I was feeling a kind of mild depression that, when I really looked at it, was rooted in loneliness. Friendships had shifted, romantic hopes hadn’t quite panned out, and online dating? Let’s just say the apps and I have beef. I’m the living meme of downloading an app, browsing for five minutes, and then deleting it in emotional protest.
Oh, and at one point, I almost got scammed by someone I met online. Yup. That happened.
So, desperate for something different—and armed with a pair of Spanx jeans, Sephora makeup, and some solid pep talks from my best friend—I decided to give speed dating a shot.
First Impressions (and First Red Flags)
I pulled up to the yoga studio where the event was being held.
Right away, things felt… a little off. We were given pouches with letter beads (yes, actual beads), and we spent the first 90 minutes in what can only be described as “pre-dating ceremonies.” There was breathwork, blanket grabbing, eye-gazing instructions, and a whole lot of very intense energy talk. Like, hold-hands-and-look-into-each-other’s-souls kind of talk.
Which… listen, I love connecting deeply with people. But I need to gradually ease into the deep. Like, can we start with, “What’s your favorite TV show?” before we move into “Stare deeply into this stranger’s aura for two minutes”?
The Moment I Knew It Was a No
While I had a growing list of “maybe this isn’t for me” observations, the final straw was… unfortunate. During one of the intros, a man across the room adjusted himself—that kind of adjustment—and I realized I might be required to hold hands with him during one of the rituals. And that’s when my intuition screamed: "Absolutely not."
I picked up my Spanx-enhanced dignity and left.
Was It a Failure?
Honestly? No. It was a win. I honored my gut. I knew I wasn’t comfortable, and I didn’t force myself to stay in a situation that didn’t feel right. For someone who’s working on boundaries and trusting herself, that’s a big deal.
Afterward, I took myself out to dinner (still in the cute outfit, thank you very much) and redownloaded Bumble. Yes, again. I even paid for the premium version because, well, I figured the algorithm deserved some respect if I was going to commit.
Spoiler: I did go on a date. He was nice, we just didn’t click. But that’s not the point.
What I Learned
Trust your intuition. If your gut says “no,” listen.
It’s okay to try things and still walk away. Trying doesn’t mean committing forever.
Connection takes time. And I’m more of a “get to know you over tacos” kind of girl than a “match my vibe through synchronized breathing” kind.
Loneliness is real—and worth acknowledging. It’s not shameful. It’s just human.
Community is hard to find as an adult. Especially post-college, post-built-in-social-structures life. I miss that.
So What’s Next?
I’m exploring singles ministries at local churches (because spiritual alignment matters a lot to me). I’m considering more traditional speed dating events—the kind where you just talk. I’m also open to mixers, but this time I’m bringing a married friend as a wingwoman because married people love participating in the dating journey of their single friends.
And I’m giving myself grace. Because dating—and just finding your people—is hard. And sometimes, you just need to go home, wipe off your Sephora makeover, and tell your sister everything over the phone.
Final Thoughts
If Tantra speed dating sounds like your thing—great! The event was well-run and clearly works for people who vibe on that energy level. But for me? I need conversation, awkward laughs, and probably a mutual love of breakfast foods before I’m ready to stare into someone’s soul.
To everyone out there navigating the weird, wonderful, exhausting journey of finding connection: you’re not alone. You’re not too much. You’re not behind. And your people? They’re out there—maybe even on Bumble. Or in a Spanx aisle at Target. Who knows?
